I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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