His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i came on her dog
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
