I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dignity is for republicans.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh god it's open bar.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
