Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
