Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
