I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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