if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
