you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
