We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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