Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just gift wrapped bread.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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