apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
