Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
