Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
