Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
