its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
