Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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