I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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