she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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