It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
