i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
