Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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