So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
