Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You've changed since you got that strap on
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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