yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
