i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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