She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
