Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
