I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
