I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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