dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
