How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
being pregnant is like rehab
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Never joke about your clitoris.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
