best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
