There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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