Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
