Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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