Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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