what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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