do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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