I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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