idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
