So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
