Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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