Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
