I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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