what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
