Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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