Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
