I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
