I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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