also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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