I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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