He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
