Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
