In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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