it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
