The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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