You made me cry and you don't even care
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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