I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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