Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
