Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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