I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
