Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
