i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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