then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize