Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
