Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
