Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
