Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
