All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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