how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
