My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
