yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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