Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
