the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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