thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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