onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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