that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize