I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
